Why Does Depression Have To Hurt So Bad?

I have been depressed for a very long time. I am really not sure exactly when it started. All I know is that I am tired of it but don’t know what to do. I used to be a happy person, or at least I thought I was. Then, I think about the song “Friend of A Wounded Heart” by Wayne Watson.

Smile–Make ’em think you’re happy
Lie–And say that things are fine
And hide that empty longing that you feel
Don’t ever show it
Just keep your heart concealed
Why–Are the days so lonely
Where can a heart go free
And who will dry the tears that no one’s seen
There must be someone
To share your silent dreams
Caught like a leaf in the wind
Lookin’ for a friend–Where can you turn
Whisper the words of a prayer–And you’ll find Him there
Arms open wide–Love in His eyes
Jesus–He meets you where you are
Jesus–He heals you secret scars
All the love you’re longing for is
Jesus–The friend of a wounded heart
Repeat Chorus
[ Lyrics from: ]

Friend Of A Wounded Heart lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc.

This song really fits my life to a T. I always tell people I am doing fine. I keep everything inside. I have always done so and I am not sure I know how to do any differently. Three years ago, it really hit. My sister (who I thought was my best friend in the whole world) and my 2 brothers caused our entire family to fall apart. I won’t get into details but will say that I have not spoken to my 2 brothers at all in the past 3 years. I did see my sister and speak to her. I told her I love her but had nothing else to say to her after what they did. I have since withdrawn into myself. I hardly ever leave the house unless I am selling Pink Zebra or getting groceries. I have a hard time trusting people. I hardly ever see my mom because I try to keep myself from crying (even though I am doing so as I write this). My life has fallen apart and I don’t know how to pick up the pieces. I want to get help but have no insurance and no regular source of income as of yet to pay for it. I guess some day, I will get it figured out. Until then, I suffer in silence.